Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
