My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
