They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
