I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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