As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
