Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
