That's intense
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
