yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i will never coherently bang her
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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