It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
