Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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