I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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