Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
