what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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