Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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