I can text with my tongue
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
is that a dick in a sweater?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
