I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
