I don't think brook has ever known best
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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