me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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