It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
