I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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