Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
