I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
