If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
