im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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