Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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