YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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