my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
