He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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