He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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