We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
