one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my being single is dangerous.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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