so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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