New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's like heaven, but drunker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
