just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
