He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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