god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
