Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
