there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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