i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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