haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
