We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
