don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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