I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
