Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
