The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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