It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
