last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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