The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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