The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
