anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
